GGGGrrrrrr

Today I'm just frustrated, I'm finding it harder and garder to deal with John. He's like a bloody zombie - he seems to have changed so much in the past couple of years. All he seems to do as soon as the kids are in bed is smoke weed and play computer games - it's driving me mad - he spends hours and hours talking to people in this fantasy land where he kills people. Things are becoming more extreme now because the fantasy land he plays in is starting to mix with reality - ie he plays online with 3 of my 4 brothers so when they come round to visit they just talk about life in this "other world". He has started dealing weed to save some money as we're really short - to be honest this doesn't bother me that much as it's only quite small amounts but I've always said I don't want to know and don't want to be involved. He's quite open about it though and talks about it with freinds in the garden and at home. Recently as well, there has been a few times where he's been at work and I've been at home with the kids, and he's sent me a text and told me someone is coming round to "collect" - and even though they are usually friends, I still think it's blatantly obvious because they don't stay. he also took me with him when he bought some, I said I'd just walk ahead and he could catch me up but he insisted i stay with him and joked that I was "a good cover" - I don't want to be involved in this in any way.
He has never had a problem with me going out and i always thought it was because he understood that I needed my independence, but more and more I am realising that if I go out he can play without even bothering to have to think about feeling guilty. I am becoming more and more lonely and feeling more and more like my marraige is a sham. Don't get me wrong i love him so much, but he just doesn't seem to feel the same way - if he does come and sit with me on an evening, I feel like he's just doing it because he feels like he should - not because he wants to, and I really feel that he just can't wait for me to go to bed so he can get back to his other life - the better one. Unfortunately, my husband constantly looking for an escape into a fantasy world makes me feel like there's no point.
I have said to him quite often that it would be better if we went to bed at the same time and got up with the kids at the same time, then when the housework was done and stuff, we could both enjoy some time on the things we like doing - but he's not happy with that because he says he needs to smoke weed when he plays and besides - his "friends" won't be on at that time. What about his wife????He usually plays from about half seven. I go to bed about half nine, every night I go to bed alone, he comes up and gives me a hug, which used to be a chance to spend a little together time and have a chat about our day, maybe even make love. Now it is a half hearted hug where he tries not to talk to me because he wants me to go to sleep so he can go back down and play. After that he will usually play till about one or two on an "early" night or about four on a "lie in".
I get up at half five with the kids, this morning was ten past five. He gets up (with a lot of moaning and stomping) with me shouting at him because he can never get up on his own, at 8:30 to take the kids. This morning he was working at 8 though , he got out of bed at ten to - spoke to noone and slammed the door on his way out - saying goodbye to no one. I can't go on like this - it's ridiculous.
Occasionally he gives me a lie in, but he will still go to bed after midnight, alice will start crying at about 5:30 but he never hears her so I have to wake him, and we spend usually at least an hour with him going to her after alot of me shouting at him, then he comes back and falls asleep and 5 minutes later she strats again, and he doesn't hear her - and apparently thats a lie in. I do tell him to go and get her out and take her downstairs but of course he's so bloody tired after being up late all he can think about is going back to sleep - I am at my wits end - help me please!!!

Kit. xx