I don't know what the hell is going on with me!! My head is all over the place today.
Right, I'll start from the beginning. My names Kit, and I'm married to the loveliest man in the world, named John - I have 2 children from previous relationships, Sophie 10 and Adam 9, and we have a little girl named Molly who's 2.
We've been married for nearly 3 years now and things are ok, that says it all really - OK. I love John deeply, he is everything I've ever wanted in a man - king, caring, genourous, considerate and best of all, we want the same things. However, over the past few months things seem to hve got harder and harder - I am desperately trying to "find myself" again, and I've always been a bit of a free spirit.
I get bored easily and want us to go and do things, unfortunately John doesn't feel the same way and would rather sit with his head in a computer game. So anyway, yesterday morning I got a text from an old boyfriend, Scott. He was more than an old boyfriend actyally, he was most definately my first love. Unfortunately he was a bit of an idiot and is a self professed tart - he treated me very badly at the end.
Still though, whenever I get a text from him, my heart does a little leap and I get those butterfly feelings, I know I know, but there you have it. I just want a bit of excitment and chatting to him by text is a good, safe way of getting it.
To cut a long story short we'd been texting for most of the day, between the lines flirting if you get what I mean - but all the time I know that it's safe because I know Scott's a lying cheating little slag. Unfortunately I cant help but find myself waiting for his next text 'and checking my phone constantly.
Once I'd put the kids to bed, I was starting to get really restless - i suggested to John that we just hop on a train and do something, his response was "well maybe I could have a wank and come on your tits!! um ... well, so I texted some other friends, all of which "couldn't be bothered" so I decided that I'd hop on a train myself and go and see a friend in Birmingham - I know quite a few people there and checked the times.
I mentioned this in one of my texts and Scott said he's come and meet me, we could get together for a drink and a chat. Before you say anything, we've done this before and it's never been a problem, I admit - there's a lot of sparks and electricity between us but nothing has ever happened.
So I text him back saying "are you sure" he replies, "Get on that train!"' So I do.
I told John I was going to Birmingham to see a friend, this is where i lied for the first time, I told him i was going to see a friend called Steve - purely because he doesn't really like me seeing Scott, don't know why. John was fine with this and said as long as I was back by seven in the morning to take over with the kids, it was fine. bless him.
Scott met me outside the train station and we drove to a local pub for a drink, we sat outside and chatted, it was nice - we caught up on a lot of stuff that's been going on with each other. Even as he's speaking I know that he's lying about some of the stuff he says, even if he doesn't realise it! I know him very well by now. We lived together for six months and were very very close when we were together. It doesn't bother me though, makes me feel better because I know I won't get "seduced" by him bacause like I said before, I know he's a lying, cheating dog!
So when the pub closes, we go and sit in the car chatting about stuff, he starts stroking my hands, firstly to warm them up and then in a more sensual way. This is nice. It's just nice to be the centre of someone's attention for once. We end up kissing, at first it's really odd kissing someone different after you've kissed the same person for four years, but then you just get abit enveloped by it all.
Now before I go on, I'm just going to tell you now that we didn't have sex, I know that doesn't excuse anything - I feel really bad about it (mortified infact!) but I just wanted to make that clear. There was quite a bit of snogging, some groping and a quick fumble. It was nice though, really nice.
When we'd both calmed down a bit, we drove back towards my home as I'd missed the last train, we stopped at a service station had had yet another chat - this one was a deep one. He told me about the girl he's sort of seeing at the moment and that he really likes her, but he's worried that the same thing will happen again as it always does. he just freaks out when things get to heavy and he's always had an eye for the ladies! One is never enough!
I reassured him that he didn't need to feel guilty, I wouldn't have let anything happen that I didn't want to happen, that was the truthm it wasn't just him - it was both of us. I also reassured him that I wasn't gonna leave my husband and come running after him, just on the basis of a quick snog. He said he wouldn't say no, I said "For about a month, till somehting better came along". Then he did say a few really nice things about how he didn't wanna hurt me and he was really sorry for everything he'd done and that there reallt is something between us. I just wen't quiet, what could I say to that? Although i knowit's all talk - even if he believes it when he says it - I think it's probably his cock speaking.
I've got to go and pick Adam up from football training, fill you in later. You'll understand why I'm going out f my mind with worry in a bit. Thanks for reading. KIT xx
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